Things to think about

The King Has Returned

Have you ever had an invitation from the King so GRAND you very nearly couldn’t handle its immensity?

I had one recently.

Upon acceptance, I encountered my King face-to-face. I think I understand the free (but they didn’t really know it yet-slaves) Hebrews saying to Moses, “You go up for us, you hear what He has to say!”


Weak and scattered

Superimposed, foreign tracks hiding the faintest semblance of any green.

Slowly over time, light was moving closer until now. It wasn’t quite as dark as it had been.

He was compelled by His fierce compassion and indignant love to this cloudy tohu v’bohu and His Spirit hovered over the face of the deep that barely was, but He knew it was there. Oh how He longed for it!

It was His idea.

He put it there and He was there first!

He wasn’t shaken by the hardness or fear. The abominable mess leftover did not move Him or cause Him to withdraw in the slightest. His face did not whince a single time at the gross vileness that was in front of Him.

He knew that before all of this mire came to be, He had hidden a pearl of great price. Many in fact and no defilement in heaven or earth could keep Him away from these treasures.

It’s time.

His voice, like thunderous waters and lightning tore through the darkness, bringing down the hardened walls and life-choking weeds.

TRUTH, HIMSELF made Hisself known, obliterating the strange trails and tracks where they had long been established. The mire and vileness vaporized before Him and defilement was no more.

Life and beauty are being restored all around Him and He remembers the fragrance of this once thriving garden; a favorite of His resting places.

The King has returned.

Soon, the sounds and colors will again greet Him and the fragrance of life will fill these chambers as He continues this work of restoration. It won’t take much time. He’s longed for this garden and it for Him.

The King has returned!

*from the new view after some serious fathering*

I am quite sure that if pinched just right, I’ll bleed chocolate. HOWEVER, this morning as I was prepping my coffee, I very clearly heard “GO FOR VANILLA!” from my spirit.
My spirit doesn’t generally have a coffee preference so I opted for a flavored coffee from my secret stash. Normally, I go coffee-black or if anything I lean, of course, towards the mocha-choco-yumyums. Not today. Nope, no siree, today I veered off the beat and path into this strange and not completely trusted vanilla world. And it was good. Really good.
SO FAR the response has been nothing more than – “because I like it best”. Haven’t figured out yet which portion prefers the vanilla or why besides “I like it best” but there’s gotta be more to it than that, yeah?!?!
Meanwhile, my soul maintains its die-hard chocolate-is-mo-betta stance.
In the light of all this pleasure finding between my spirit and soul, I have determined that I am in fact, a person.
I am a coffee person.
I am a coffee person with a vanilla spirit and a chocolate soul.
That is all. Drink up everyone!

Treasure Hunting

Have you ever been treasure hunting? Gemstone mining? Are you a rockhound at heart?

Le sigh…I dream of wandering through mines like I’ve watched on YouTube  (for hours at a time). Have you ever watched those? My faves are Brazilian amethyst mines. As the camera moves, you can see the light bouncing happily from one giant crystal wall to another. Deep purple sparkles catch my heart at every flash.


To find these treasures they have to DIG.

They get dirty…


going down hundreds of feet sometimes into what could look like an eternity of darkness into the earth in anxious hopes of finding something precious.


Carved out super humid caves, limited oxygen and dirty darkness aren’t really things that make me want to hop on that hayride BUT if there’s treasure somewhere in that tunnel – gimme that rope, hand me that hard hat and hoist me down!

Bought myself a sapphire ring. It’s a 4.5 carat, opaque, natural stone with inclusions (which is why I could afford it lol) and THAT’S what I love about it. I love that it’s “imperfect” with the different veins of blue moving through it.

Since August of 2014, I’ve spent nearly every night via Skype (with the exception of the time my spirit went awol)  treasure hunting in some unusual and outrageous places far more beautiful than the amethyst mines of Brazil, the opal sites of Australia and diamond digs of Africa.

Within the spirit of every human exists fingerprints of the King I adore. Within the spirit of every human exists nuisances of light with exquisite color and flavor, texture and motion. G-d’s heart longs for the sound that can only be produced by our own individual conglomerate of light that we are.

Most of us look at our treasures and see only the rough, completely ignoring the gemmy insides. We downgrade the masterful creation of the Uncreated repeatedly as we compare ourselves to one another wishing to be better at this or that, desiring to look like this or that. Sure, there is always room for character growth, but a good starting place is to DAILY recognize the treasure not only within our own spirits, but in the spirits of those around us.

What does it do to His heart when we come into agreement with Him and say, “Yes Father, what you made is good. Its beautiful. It is a masterpiece.”?

What does it do to His heart when we see only our deficits and come into agreement with the world and the enemy when we say, “I’m not enough. G-d, you did not make me enough” ?

How boring would it be if we were all the same? How remarkable that we’re not!!!

I challenge you (and myself) to go treasure hunting!

And don’t just notice it – call it out! Recognize His design and call it out in yourself and in others and see what starts to happen in your world. Talents weren’t given to us to bury them in the sand – they were meant to grow and increase to someday be returned to the King.

What will the King receive when He makes that demand? Will our treasure still be hidden under deep earth, forgotten about, ignored and neglected? Will it be nurtured and polished to its fullest shine?

So talk to me people. Tell me something about the treasure of you. Tell me something that you can come into agreement with G-d on and how have you been faceted?

G-d don’t make no junk!

With love from a fellow treasure hunter.






Today is a beautiful day.

The sun is shinning, the cloudless sky reflects what I believe are a multitude of hues from that sapphire throne where my King sits.

But –

Far in the distance… some clouds.

Dark clouds.

Violent clouds.


Angry Collage bad day

It lurks in the background waiting for an opportunity to pounce – familiar pain that’s become so constant that its more comfortable than being pain-free. It feels more safe to hide in the dark with the steadiness of depression and grief than it is to live in the light. It feels so close, those dark clouds
–  but something has changed; something is different.

I am not who I was then.

As crazy as this sounds, healing is a challenge.

Due to some faulty disks, a few muscles defected and decided to go AWOL. Others had to pick up the slack causing significant issues. I had surgery to correct the problem and then it was back to basic training to relearn how to function properly. My body was defaulting to the weaker muscles that weren’t supposed to support the weight of my big head. Even moving my shoulders into certain positions was awkward because the wrong muscles were triggered with movement. Folks, there was chaos and confusion – I’m talkin some serious tofu v’bohu happening in my neck and shoulders!

After about six weeks of hard, painful work… me whining, funky tape stuck everywhere, tennis balls in weird places and dancing to the YMCA song while lying on my stomach, my muscles were FINALLY starting to understand that the problem was over. The weaker-by-design muscles were able to do their part and the stronger-by-design muscles donned some extra tissue gear and went on their merry way doing their proper thang.

Spiritually and mentally I’ve been through a quite similar process. For a season I was completely shut down feeling  totally broken and lifeless and didn’t want to keep trying. Pain was gigantic, dark was REALLY dark and hopelessness was my song. My friend and I work with one another’s issues. She’s better at it than me, she pressed in big time on my behalf and I got some massive freedom.

For years of seasons on and off, I would be free and then not free. The dark clouds that followed me since my childhood were always there and always able to pull me back just as I’d gained a smidgen of ground.

Not this time. Not anymore.

This time I could feel it trying and very simply, I knew. The problem is over and I can finally live without wanting to die. I FINALLY understood.

In the book of John it says, “1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.”

Our human spirit is created in His image and His likeness. He formed us as light. We are made up of light just as He is. The crux of who we are is light. A day will come when these bodies will die, but this light in me, my spirit, will live forever.

When G-d was creating us, He said, “It is good.” WO-to-the-freaking-W!

Everything in our culture seems to disagree with the Uncreated King. The world says, “You’re not enough, you’re less than. You should like this or that.” It says, “If only you had been born a girl” or “If only you’d been born a boy!” It says, “You are just sort of homely, nothing special.”

The world is standing on judgement against G-d and when we come into agreement with them believing things like, “Yes, I’m an idiot, I’m not worth anything, I’ll never be anything, I am bad.” we are agreeing and in essence saying, “Almighty G-d, you did not do a good job in creation. I think it should have been done this way and since my ways are better than yours and my opinion higher than yours.I choose to believe what created beings, including myself have decided I am and should be .”


Being a worshipper, or so I thought – this truth rattled me to the core. The light of G-d has been shed abroad in my heart and now I see, albeit dimly and in part.

How could I believe that? How could I believe that what He said wasn’t true? After all, I claimed to believe the Bible; I claimed to know and love Him. How could I love Him and reject Him at the same time? Oh Father, forgive me for rejecting You and rejecting your love and truth because I felt that I shouldn’t! Forgive me for choosing darkness and death because it was more comfortable in a sick sort of way. Forgive me for choosing the easy way of remaining in my place of pain and believing the lies of the enemy and placing them ahead of Your Truth! If Jesus valued me enough to lay down His life for me, to suffer as He did – for me, how could I reject a love like that? So pure, so kind, so  …like You. It’s almost too much for me, far too much for the smallness of my mind to comprehend.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
was blind but now I see!
– written by a man who got it – we all should read this guy’s story!

my very first passion flower

I choose to agree with the G-d who made me in His image and in His likeness, that He has made me good. I reject the voices of my culture that tell me I am anything less that what He has said and that my life does not matter. THIS is worship that needs no music to it.

My King, this yet another public declaration that YOU are Truth and YOU are Light and You are Life and I believe YOU. Your thoughts are not my thoughts and Your ways are not my ways, oh G-d, teach me Your ways. I celebrate You, I celebrate Your ways and Your thoughts. I celebrate Your gifts, the treasures You placed in me – because You have placed treasure in me. I celebrate it and can hardly wait to unwrap the next… and the next…and the next.

Desk quote somewhere read, “May my life be so intertwined with Yours that when something moves Your heart, I feel the quake in mine.”

SO, dear reader, who are you?




It was not unlike any other morning. He got up and prepared for the day as any other. There was the usual battle of getting the kids out of bed. The list of requests the wife has made is only slightly more complicated than normal as there are still many preparations to be made before the holiday. He is eager to leave for the shul so as to make it there early to assist the boss who is under great pressure these days.

Out the door.

The disturbances of recent months have been somewhat of a welcome change to the mundane sleepiness of the region. This man they call Jesus has developed quite a reputation and word on the street is – there’s a revolution coming. As servant to the High Priest, Malchus keeps his finger on the pulse of what’s going on in the religious community (ok, the entire community) and he can tell that this upheaval is getting to the people and certainly to his master.

Some are following and actually buying into the myths and fairytales and while they haven’t yet discovered exactly how he’s performing these “miracles” they are intent on uncovering his scheme and putting a stop to it. This kind of controversy can lead the weak minded astray and this Jesus has crossed the line multiple times.

Caiaphas offered a little silver to one of his followers so he could lead him to Jesus. The crowds of people make it difficult to shut him down with their dreamy eyes watching his tricks. A crowd like that can get dangerous, especially if they believe the hogwash. The High Priest needed an insider and Judas took the bait. Money always works.

After a grueling day of waiting and overhead pressure to bring order back to the area, the time had finally come and Judas was there waiting to take them to this so-called “King of the Jews”. Malchus and his team were sent into the place where the zealot sect were known to be hiding and were taken right to the inner circle, but its not going to be pretty.

This is a done deal.

“Whom do ye seek?”

“Jesus of Nazareth”

“I am He”


What just happened? One minute he’s standing ready to arrest the man who belongs to the cheek Judas kissed and the next he’s on his back along with the others. 

OK There’s something different about this man Jesus.

Malchus, no doubt had done the bidding of his master in spying on Jesus and his followers. It was easy to see how the crowd was so pulled into the teachings and miracles that he did. Jesus was a dynamic speaker and talked like no one else. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about and made it sound so good and the miracles he did couldn’t be copied. Those people had to be plants.

Except that one guy that was down by the gate. Oh and Lazarus – Malchus knew the family and attended the funeral. That one can’t really be explained, but surely it can . How was it that even Lazarus was even taken by this guy? Just goes to show you what happens if you aren’t following Torah to the letter.

Once while he was teaching, Jesus talked about loving your enemies and blessing those who persecute you. Like, really? Who does that? And there was something about his eyes and who knows where that voice came from that said, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” That story can’t be true. Can it? He talked about freedom and everyone knows that’s not real. Not for a slave anyway. Pipe dreams.

BACK ON YOUR FEET! Whatever that was…. (what was it anyway?)

“I am Jesus, whom you seek. Let these men go.”

What’s that?!?


A searing pain that cannot be described surged through his whole world and while he tried to figure out what just happened on the side of his head, there at his feet was his ear. He was shaking, nauseous and light headed from the shock and pain, so he stood there so he wouldn’t be maimed further.

But then Jesus stoops down, picks up his ear and just as quickly as it happened, the pain and bleeding stopped. Malchus stands there as his team escorts Jesus away. He sees everything going on and hears every word, but his mind is elsewhere. Everything has changed.



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Source: An Alliance with State-Sponsored Terrorism


The Many Faces of PTSD

Has FEAR Taken You Hostage?

Anxiety which is repressed, unacknowledged, driven underground in our psyches, and not dealt with, grows into full-fledged fear. When I read that thought this morning in a meditation passage, I immediately thought of three people: Tom Booker, Gregory Boyle and Jesus.

Tom Booker

Does the name Tom Booker ring a bell? Tom Booker is the title character in the book The Horse Whisperer by Nicholas Evans. If you didn’t read the book, you may have seen the Robert Redford movie. The horse whisperer, Tom Booker, calms anxious, frightened, unmanageable horses. He accomplishes this because he understands horses, we are told, and he is not scared of them. Because Tom Booker feels no fear, the horses calm down around him. I have just synthesized a three hundred page book!

Ibought the book for my horse-loving granddaughter, and when she forgot to take it home, I…

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Laura Grace Weldon

Our early hatching is lauded, our late hatching a reason for worry.

We’re expected from our earliest years be like the other ducklings. (Well, better than others but not stuck up about it.)

If we keep flying when it’s time to swim there’s medication to calm our out-of-bounds impulses. If we like to sing but can’t quack there’s a star chart to reinforce more appropriate sounds.

We’re graded on the dexterity we demonstrate when curling our beaks under our wings at nap time, tested on our ability to dip our heads under water, judged by our willingness to stay in line. Poor results means doing these things over and over again until we thoroughly detest ourselves for not measuring up.

When we don’t do as well as expected we’re told we just need to try harder to be the very best duckling we can be. We’re told that we aren’t…

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